Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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