Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
