What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
