So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
