i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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