I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
