I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
