Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
