she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
