And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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