I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
