woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
