You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
