ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
