Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
