Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
