margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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