Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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