i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So here I am, sexting at work.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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