I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
