Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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