I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
what is it with giant penises always finding me
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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