I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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