I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Randomize
