Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
