The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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