oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
