WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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