oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You took a bar mat shot.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
