he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Boobs are out for the taking
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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