Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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