well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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