just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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