im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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