good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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