he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
