Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
