and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
