Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
