Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You can't special order awesome
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
