Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
