Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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