Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
