thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Sponge bath it is.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
