The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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