I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
