Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
