Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
