Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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