i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
