You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
